Ok well here I go- my Breastfeeding Journey

I've been meaning to start this blog ages ago but of course as you can understand its a bit hard to find the time with 4 kids 4 and under :) But tonight I though why not, I was wanting to share my breast feeding journey as I went along but just didn't happen but Ill go through it for you now.

I wanted to share my breast feeding journey to hopefully inspire and help others

Well I guess Ill start at the beginning, I was pregnant with my first baby and the whole pregnancy I though for sure I would breastfeed and it would all be great ect but It wasn't that easy.
In the hospital I struggled with very very sore nipples and being young and new to it all I just went with what the midwives in the hospital said to do and each one had a different opinion I remember just feeling so sad and disheartened. I ended up feeding with a shield but was stressed about  W's weight gain and just found it all too much with no where to go for the right support at 4 weeks I decided to formula feed and I was fine with this.
The 2nd time after L was born I fed her in the hospital only and due to my first experience and having no support in the hospital I went to formula as soon as I got home

The 3rd time after R was born it was the same but this time I realised just how important it was so was more determined from the get go and we had been adopting more AP(attachment parenting) type practices so this just went with it but once again had the same sore nipples and when I sought help I was just told I was doing everything right so was baby and handed a nipple shield but I wasn't too keen on using the shield so was trying to use it as little as possible.
I still didn't have my community of support and knowledge I have now and one night at about 2 weeks old he was struggling to latch and I was tired and emotional and needed support, I woke my husband B up and he didn't know what to say or do and was tired and grumpy himself so that was it I once again decide it was too hard and I just must be one of those people who CANT do it!

Around the time R was 6 mths I fell pregnant with Miss H and I was very into the AP/Natural way at this point and started doing my research and forming support networks online which I am now lucky enough to know some of these beautiful women in real life now (you know who you are) so I was a lot more prepared this time  and knew although I may face hurdles in the beginning that I could most definitely do it.

We ended up opting for homebirth(that's another post) which was also very helpful with forming a good breastfeeding relationship from the get go with instant and prolonged skin to skin and baby led attachment and I had great supports in my midwives.

So once again I faced the same problems, by the second day I had sore bleeding nipples, like the whole end of my nipple was just scap it was horrid!!! My milk was coming in though so I though I could try the shield now but it was even worse with that while they were all scabby and sore and I was soooo emotional at this stage and upset crying and that night I just couldn't do it the pain was unbearable. I went out and bought 3 bottles and a tin of organic formula, made her a bottle and sat there bawling my eyes out to poor Pappa B saying "Its not faaairrrr-r-r" over and over again.

The next day thank god my Midwife A came over and she was fantastic! I started telling her about it in my fragile emotional state and just started bawling again and she could see I wasn't happy with the situation and was just so supportive in every way. She got me to try again with the shield seeing as my poor nipple had had a good 15hr break and it wasn't as bad as I though and we decided together that for now I would feed when I could bare the pain and when I couldn't we would give a bottle and most of all DON'T STRESS!

She checked our attachment and that was fine so we concluded that I must just have extreamly sensitive skin and I would just have to wait till they toughened up a bit That was working for now and it kept us breastfeeding even if she was having formula  as well.
 So we did this for about a week and then I was doing all the day feeds myself with the shield and just did a top up of a night as I incorrectly though her normal unsettledness(is that a word?) of an evening was a sign she was still hungry.
I was feeling so good and so proud I was doing it! Then I had the 2 week mchn app and when they weighed her she had only put on 5grams :( I was just devastated I held it together but as soon as I got to the car I called Pappa B and just bawled I felt like such a failure. I knew deep down it really wasn't something to worry about but I wasn't being sensible but I posted about it online cause I knew I would get good advice and support from the network I had formed and I was right <3

It was pointed out to me that she had hardly lost any birth weight so for me to for sustained that for these 2 weeks she must of been getting enough this combined with lots of wee and poos gave me the confidence to continue but it wasn't long before I was met with another problem...sigh...this time it was supply and I knew it must of been from me using the shield so I once again consulted with my online community and my midwives and they once again supported and encouraged me and offered me the advice I needed. I went down the street and bought my lactation cookie supplies and got some fenugreek as well and overdosed on those haha plus I knew I had to get rid of the shield.
 At first she struggled to attach as she had gotten a bit lazy with the shield but we got there, I found if I tried while she was still half asleep her natural instincts kicked in and her would open her mouth nice and wide and to my surprise it wasn't hurting so much any more still hurt but I wasn't getting any damage so the only feeds I was using the shield for was overnight, I should point out too at this stage I was still giving the formula top up of an evening which I also needed to give the flick.

I was feeling more and more confident and trusted my body by 7 weeks and we ran out of formula and I decided that was it my body could do it and I was right she was more settled than usual without the formula so who knows I was probably overfilling her with the formula top ups and the unsettledness was just the normal "arsenic hour" stuff.

By 8 weeks I am fully feeding my baby my breastmilk and that's it and man am I proud, so god dam proud I tell ya!!! Now we are still going strong at 11 almost 12 weeks and I love it not only is it soooo much easier than formula but I am doing such a special thing for my baby and enjoying it. It really is special.

What got me through those early weeks was just taking it each day at a time and focusing on each day she was breastfed as an achievement then once I got past 4 weeks which was the longest I had ever fed before I was stoked then each week after that and now I feel complete. Might sound silly but I feel so much more of a mother now and like I have a deeper connection with nature and the goddess(Ill get to this in another post) And seriously all of you that helped me you know who you are and I cannot put into word how much your support has meant to me through this, if I didn't have you I'm sure I wouldn't be still breastfeeding now xoxox


So hows that for a first blog post? I realised I didnt do an intro post for those who dont know me so Ill do that next time :)